Receiving An Alzheimer's Diagnosis
Even when you suspect someone you love has Alzheimer’s, no one is prepared for the news. Receiving an Alzheimer's diagnosis can trigger the grieving process.
An Alzheimer’s Diagnosis Affects Everyone
Hearing an Alzheimer’s diagnosis is shocking, frightening. We all cope with the news differently at the doctor’s office, afterward, and in the time that follows. Since it is a chronic, degenerative disease, grieving Alzheimer’s can last longer than many of us realize. Often the daily overwhelm of being a family caregiver can mask that, yes, you are still processing the loss and grieving Alzheimer's.
It’s an indescribable personal loss for everyone (the person who has it, wives/husbands, significant others, girlfriends/boyfriends, daughters/sons, relatives and friends). As a family caregiver, you are supporting your loved one through this first, and taking care of yourself second. Perhaps your loved one doesn't even recognize they have the disease…
The Five Stages of Grieving Alzheimer's
There are five stages of grief that you can use as guideposts.
The First Stage Of Grief: Denial
Denial is a defense mechanism for rejecting something too difficult to accept, even in spite of overwhelming evidence. Defense mechanisms are responses to anxiety—how we consciously and unconsciously handle stress. Denial is characterized by refusing to believe what is happening, what is real. For example, believing that an Alzheimer’s diagnosis is somehow mistaken, or not true.
The Second Stage Of Grief: Anger
This occurs when you realize that denying reality is no longer possible and you are frustrated. Those closest to the situation often become the focus of the anger. Self-pity and blame are the hallmarks of this stage. Common phrases you might feel, say or hear coming out of your own mouth are things like, “Why is this happening? It’s not fair!” or “How can this happen to me/us/him/her? or “Who is to blame?”
The Third Stage Of Grief: Bargaining
Bargaining springs from the secret hope that you can avoid pain by making a deal to give up something in return. Sometimes it’s a “deal with God.” Sometimes it’s a promise to change yourself or your lifestyle in some way. For example, promising to give up smoking so that the person you love can be miraculously cured of Alzheimer’s.
The Fourth Stage of Grief: Depression
During the grieving process, depression is a normal and temporary reaction to loss. It is characterized by sadness and inactivity. Generally, depressed people feel dejected, hopeless and sometimes suicidal. Common phrases you might feel, say or hear coming out of your own mouth are things like, “There’s no cure so why bother?” or “I can’t do anything, so why try?”
The Fifth Stage of Grief: Acceptance
Acceptance happens when you stop resisting what is happening and instead acknowledge that it is, indeed happening. Accepting what is, frees up the energy once used to struggle and resist reality. Common phrases you might feel, say or hear coming out of your own mouth are things like, “It’s going to be okay. or “I can’t cure Alzheimer's, but I can enjoy the time we still have.”
Grieving Is Different For Everyone
You can’t hurry love or grief. Like periods during menopause, grief can seem gone for a while but then come back unexpectedly. Runners have a saying about training for marathons, “You can’t cheat the ‘Miles God'.” And so it is with grief. It takes as long as it’s going to take and it's different for everyone.
Be patient with yourself. The grieving process usually isn't a straight line from Point A (an Alzheimer's Diagnosis) to Point B (Coping With Alzheimer's).
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